His Nose Was Too Big

As some of you may know, one of the "masterminds" behind the September 11th attack, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, went to military tribunal yesterday. He may be charged with war crimes, for which his penalty would be the death sentence.

Now, I realize this man most likely had an involvement in an attack that resulted in the death of some three thousand plus Americans (if you're not counting the war in Iraq that somehow resulted from the attack). However, I think in this particular case we should consider staying the death penalty, and should do the same in any cases where a terrorist is convicted. Death is the last thing you want to give someone who believes they are fighting in the name of God, Allah, or whoever else may have a following of extremists. When you give a man like this death, his death will be celebrated as a victory by his brothers-in-arms, and he will welcome his death with open arms, as Mohammed has stated. To give these men the martyrdom they seek will not be a victory for America, but just another reason to give their comrades a reason not to fear any punishment they may meet an American hands. To give them a life sentence would be to make their efforts more in vain. If they can't even die for their god, what's the bother in trying? Maybe this would just cause an increase in suicide attacks. Maybe it would result in less attacks overall. How could we measure the effect of letting these men live a life that's wasted by rotting away in prison? Who knows. The point is, we can't just send these men to their deaths if that's what they're asking for, it's not a punishment for them.

Also, I have to bring up the fact that Mohammed made a comment about his nose being drawn too big by a courtroom artist. Are you fucking kidding me? Why are we reporting on that?! We're prosecuting a "terrorist mastermind" and you're reporting on a comment about a courtroom drawing?

You people are hacks.

Swindled

Viacom, I think it's time that you invest in some new legal advisers. This lawsuit against YouTube is going to get you nothing except for paying out the ass in wasted legal fees. If your legal advisers were worth the money you pay them then you would realize that there are already two cases that have set a precedent for systems which can be used for both non-infringing and infringing copyrighted material. Hell, one of those cases has happened within the last four years! Haven't you read anything about the case against Grokster? That program was even design for the purpose of illegal file sharing, and it was still spared the chopping block because of the Sony Rule of 1984. An application that can be used for both infringing and non-infringing uses may not be held as a liable party for the copyright infringement of the people who use the program. In this particular case with YouTube, the service is clearly designed for a non-infringing purpose and is largely used as such. I would say put money on the fact that a higher percentage of what is posted to YouTube is non-infringing than is infringing. Grokster certainly couldn't boast that, but MGM still wasn't able to get them held liable because of the previous precedent which was set in 1984. You're claim regarding the Digital Copyright Millennium Act is a moot point as well, as Grokster was brought to court for this issue after the Act was put into place. I think it's safe to say that your legal advisers are swindling you if they're telling you that there's a chance in hell that you'll win this case. No, you're just going to look like the giant asshole of broadcasting networks that can't pull it's head out of it's ass and realize that the world around you is changing more rapidly than you're willing to adapt.

Oh yeah, and I still know all about the ONE campaign...

The Church of America

I am of the opinion that the Church of Scientology International should be declared the official religion of the United States of America. Lately I've been thinking about these two fine groups, and I really think that they're made for each other. Let us compare the two groups' management and their principles:

MONEY
Is there anything that money can't buy in America? We sell everything, even our votes are for sale. We sell them to the politician that promises us the biggest tax breaks and three month gas tax holidays. Our politicians then turn around and sell their votes in Congress and the White House to the corporation who will send them on the most paid trips to Scotland to play golf. Everything that we have has a price on it. Why not our faith? From Scientology's educated point of view our salvation should cost us, and by Hubbard, we're willing to pay for it. We've got people all the way from Joe Blue-Collar-American to Tom Rich-As-Hell Cruise doling out money to get control of their Body Thetans. It only makes sense that this pricey religion for the everyman be made into the Church of America!

POWER
If there's one thing we love more than money here it the good ol' U.S. of A, it's the power that the money buys. I don't think anyone understands this more than David Miscaviage, the current head of the Church of Scientology. This is a man who has used the power of money to convince the I.R.S. that what is clearly organized and making money as a corporation is in fact a non-profit religion that should be tax exempt. And if you can convince the I.R.S. that you shouldn't be paying taxes, you can convince me! The only other people who can manage this feat are giant corporations like Exxon-Mobile, and they had to set up off shores tax havens to get around those pesky taxes. Scientology clearly understands what it means to be American, because they didn't even have to leave the countries jurisdiction for their tax exempt status. This is just another great reason to make them our national Church.

FEAR
Who in the world is better at striking fear into the hearts of their enemies than America? We have a nuclear stockpile that made Soviet Russia shake in their boots, we've got "Shock and Awe" tactics in the Middle East, we've got the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act and it's warrant free wiretapping here at home, and if anyone understands that this is the way towards freedom, it's the Church of Scientology. To protect their copyrighted documents on The Bridge to Total Freedom the Church has been attacking anyone who leaks this information onto the Internet with their mightiest weapon: Litigation! If there's anything that represents America is the power of the lawsuit. In an effort to keep Freedom proprietary the Church understands that it needs to strike fear into the minds and hearts of all those un-American thieves that would claim that Freedom shouldn't cost them money. Clearly these people know what America is all about.

These correlations in policy and values just shows that the Church of Scientology and the United States of America were made for each other, so it's up to us to convince them to tie the knot. To not push for a declaration of their love would be entirely un-American and if we don't, shame on us all for not embracing this marriage with all of our hearts (and wallets).