The Church of America

I am of the opinion that the Church of Scientology International should be declared the official religion of the United States of America. Lately I've been thinking about these two fine groups, and I really think that they're made for each other. Let us compare the two groups' management and their principles:

MONEY
Is there anything that money can't buy in America? We sell everything, even our votes are for sale. We sell them to the politician that promises us the biggest tax breaks and three month gas tax holidays. Our politicians then turn around and sell their votes in Congress and the White House to the corporation who will send them on the most paid trips to Scotland to play golf. Everything that we have has a price on it. Why not our faith? From Scientology's educated point of view our salvation should cost us, and by Hubbard, we're willing to pay for it. We've got people all the way from Joe Blue-Collar-American to Tom Rich-As-Hell Cruise doling out money to get control of their Body Thetans. It only makes sense that this pricey religion for the everyman be made into the Church of America!

POWER
If there's one thing we love more than money here it the good ol' U.S. of A, it's the power that the money buys. I don't think anyone understands this more than David Miscaviage, the current head of the Church of Scientology. This is a man who has used the power of money to convince the I.R.S. that what is clearly organized and making money as a corporation is in fact a non-profit religion that should be tax exempt. And if you can convince the I.R.S. that you shouldn't be paying taxes, you can convince me! The only other people who can manage this feat are giant corporations like Exxon-Mobile, and they had to set up off shores tax havens to get around those pesky taxes. Scientology clearly understands what it means to be American, because they didn't even have to leave the countries jurisdiction for their tax exempt status. This is just another great reason to make them our national Church.

FEAR
Who in the world is better at striking fear into the hearts of their enemies than America? We have a nuclear stockpile that made Soviet Russia shake in their boots, we've got "Shock and Awe" tactics in the Middle East, we've got the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act and it's warrant free wiretapping here at home, and if anyone understands that this is the way towards freedom, it's the Church of Scientology. To protect their copyrighted documents on The Bridge to Total Freedom the Church has been attacking anyone who leaks this information onto the Internet with their mightiest weapon: Litigation! If there's anything that represents America is the power of the lawsuit. In an effort to keep Freedom proprietary the Church understands that it needs to strike fear into the minds and hearts of all those un-American thieves that would claim that Freedom shouldn't cost them money. Clearly these people know what America is all about.

These correlations in policy and values just shows that the Church of Scientology and the United States of America were made for each other, so it's up to us to convince them to tie the knot. To not push for a declaration of their love would be entirely un-American and if we don't, shame on us all for not embracing this marriage with all of our hearts (and wallets).

Four More Years!

I've got a splitting headache. I think the headlines are to blame for this. Every time I open up my news feeds all I can see is Hillary Clinton. She seems to have gotten around that media bias she was so intent on carrying on about. But is this a good thing for her, or for any of us who are tired of the "leadership" that we've been seeing for the past eight years? Let's say she somehow manages to get Michigan and Florida's votes to count towards her pledged delegates. She goes on to win the primary based on this, and we get to the general election. Can we really vote for someone who has laid on this amount of slime to her campaign? Is she any better than Karl Rove? She signed a pledge with the other candidates at the beginning of the election saying that she would not campaign in Florida or remain on the ballot on Michigan. She then sent letters to Florida Democrats reminding them to vote, and remained on the ballot for Michigan, breaking that pledge and winning both states in the process. Now she's hurting bad in the race to be the candidate for President of the United States of America, and she's going even further back on her pledge, attempting to get the delegates seating at the Democratic National Convention! She's yelling "Sexism, Bias!" but has she once stepped back and looked at the way her campaign could be viewed by the people she's trying to get to vote for her? Can we really trust that she'll be a better President then John McCain when she's using tactics like that? I, for one, am seeing the lines blur here, and I'm starting to wonder if there is a difference between these candidates. If she were to go to the election in November we'd be pretty screwed. I don't want this election to just be another vote for the status quo, I want to see a chance to change things, shake them up a bit. Politics in America need a change, and Hillary Clinton is not going to be that change, and John McCain sure as hell isn't going to change the way things have been operating.

Please America, don't make me try to expatriate...because if these people are the only real choices I have come November, I might just have to consider that.